The Field Guides guide to really stupid questions…

Posted on 29. Jan, 2010 by brendan in Blog

Having spent a good few years working in private 5* lodges in the Greater Kruger National Park, I have been exposed to some of what I think must be the most seriously silly (dumb ass) questions from guests.

I have been playing with the idea of compiling a book called “The Guides guide to really stupid questions.” Unfortunately time has passed and I have forgotten most of them apart from a few shockers which I will outline below. Please feel free to post your experiences and once we have enough to go to print, I will happily share out the royalties of what could be a “must have” on the FGASA reading syllabus

Some examples:

We were parked in a large open savanna plain watching a journey of giraffe feeding off the one and only acacia tree in the area. All was quiet as we took in this impressive scene and then it came – from the back of the Land Rover in a thick Texan accent – Excuse me driver sir… do giraffe eat fish! Pardon, I replied? Do giraffe eat fish? She stated even louder than before. I couldn’t imagine why she would come to this idea as there was no water anywhere in the vicinity and the giraffe that we were watching were clearly feeding on the leaves of the acacia tree. I thought that I would be sarcastic and replied – Yes they do eat fish, that’s why they have long eyelashes. She seemed happy with the reply…

Another classic is – are those zebra hunting the wildebeest?

Do wildebeest hunt in packs?

If a lion, a cheetah, a leopard and a hyaena were in a boxing ring, whos gonna win?

Why are the trees not planted in rows like they are in the forests in Europe? Africa’s bush seems so messy.

What time are the lions going to come out and hunt today?

I can go on some more but I think I will let you post some of your experiences. Lets get this book published – encourage your fellow guides to get typing.

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Tags: Field Guide

3 Responses to “The Field Guides guide to really stupid questions…”

Carmen Bann

06. Feb, 2010

Hi Brendan, your book sounds like a great idea!

Here’s a story for your book:

2 years ago we had hunters from America come hunt with us. The wives came with their husbands and were not into hunting. My job as a game ranger was to take them out and keep them busy. On about the third day we decided to go to the nearest town, Warmbaths (Bela-Bela) for some shopping. We passed a road stall and curio shop, they had a board outside advertising biltong and in bold black letters on the yellow board stood – WILD and below that BEES (Meaning game and beef biltong) – As we passed the board our one American clients asks me, “Why do they sell wild bees there?” Before I could answer she answers herself by saying “Oh, they must be selling the wild bees to make honey!”

Needless to say it took me about 2 minutes to figure out what she was on about, and then I started laughing. After explaining to our good American client (friend now), she joined in and we giggled all the way to town. Every time I see the board I have to smile and think of the wild bees and the honey that they will be making soon…
Brent Leo-Smith

10. Feb, 2010

While driving two American ladies on a boat safari, in the sinazongwe area of lake kariba in zambia I had a classic! We were watching an elephant herd swim from one island to another,, the one lady this ask if the elephant were a big problem. Not sure what she was meaning i launched into a longwinded story about conflict with local communities etc To which she replied no silly don’t they eat all the fish in the lake!
John Gore

10. Feb, 2010

Haha. Thanks for the good laughs! Post more on the blog (books cost too much to print).